It’s not the size of your ferret – it’s how long you can last.

Ferret Legging. For those who haven’t heard of it, it is a real sport. A question many people ask when they first hear about Ferret Legging is, “Why have I not heard of this before?” After all, grown men sticking ferrets down their trousers – well, you’d think it would be hard to keep this sort of thing a secret, wouldn’t you?

There’s a lot of dispute and mythology about when Ferret Legging actually got started, but it appears to have been fairly localized until the late 1970s and into the 1980s, when all of a sudden, men everywhere seemed to have a need to put wild mammals in their pants. In 1972, the record holder could manage only forty seconds of weaselage. By 1981, the record was up to five hours and twenty-six minutes. One competitor even took to wearing white pants so that spectators could get a sense of the damage being done.

I find it rather difficult to rectify this behavior with Hamlet’s “What a piece of work is man” speech.

“What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how
infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and
admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like
a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals…”

In the end, I guess I just have to shrug and confess that I have a hard time understanding the allure of any spectator sports. Ferret Legging makes about as much sense to me as football, soccer, baseball, or basketball.

Probably more, actually.